just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
