You smell like stripper and shame
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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