You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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