From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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