Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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