She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Be still, my beating vagina.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
