lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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