You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
