you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
