That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
