he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
