It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
