dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
