my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
