and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
