I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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