I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
