two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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