just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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