sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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