and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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