Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
