Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
