I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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