$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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