Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think I died a long time ago.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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