I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
