im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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