I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
