OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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