Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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