i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
