If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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