i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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