Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
