Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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