My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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