u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
