Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
