I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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