Pappa wants mamma naked
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
