Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
