I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How does one acquire holy water?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
