then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
