He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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