I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
