"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
