so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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