There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
