I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
