You really coming over, don't trick.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
