She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
