my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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