Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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