Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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