He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
