dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
