Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
operation have a gay friend backfired
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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