A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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