Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
