no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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