Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish you could order shots online.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
