Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
