the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
