You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
