He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
