Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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