girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
