Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
