Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
