now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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