I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
