Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
