i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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