Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sext me about skeletons
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
