I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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