I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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