i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
