Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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