but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
