How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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