Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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