hell yes lets make some ravioli
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
