His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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