I accidentally had phone sex last night
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
