i think my mom watched the whole time
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
