I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
