Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
