will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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