I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The feeling are messing with the penis
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
