we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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