What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Randomize
