I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
