I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
