when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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