I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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