you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize