she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
