i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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