I want you more than these girls want KFC
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
