i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
