so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
