dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We were destined to go to rehab together
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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