hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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