When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
